Confessions
what I would say if I didn't give a f*ck , and apparently I don't :)
I have a horrible piercing ear infection. I wrote about it and said ear inflection.
Sometimes while driving (and it’s trafficky and dismal gray) I scream out loud, I hate this fucking place.
Sometimes I truly love it, like right now in the winter sun. I supplement my need for the sun with a stand-up tanning bed when necessary. Usually my face is glowing and freckled and that’s exactly how I like it.
I have a bunion on my left foot which make it look like an alien-esque foot. I shared this trait with my great-auntie who I admired the most. still, how I envy those with sexy feet...
I believe wholeheartedly in fairies and call upon them for parking spots and making good tips and surrounding me with cheekiness which makes me feel magnetic.
My boyfriend who isn’t even my boyfriend ( technically we separated but nothing about us feels separate at all even though we are 8,886 miles apart and even the word boyfriend feels too casual for what this soul bond is ) …shared his body and his love with another woman. Says he’s still just as deeply in love with me. And somehow I really do believe him.
I guess love always goes where it’s needed
I guess it never runs out.
I’ve felt more disgustingly jealous than I ever knew possible, and also a healthy dose of humility.
I claim my work is for the Women. God is asking me to open my heart to *gasp* that other woman. (((side note: this entire situation was entirely communicated and in full integrity, between all three of us. I just never thought i’d have to go through it. Cue the cosmic joke yet again.)))
I’m not sure where the next year is taking me / I have a strong sense that it’s going to be more expansive than I can currently fathom
And so much goddamn fun.
I’ve been healing at home from my most deeply-rooted insecurities. Redefining my relationship to Place I Came From. I’m healing from an eating disorder - redefining my relationship to Food That Nourishes My Body. I’m healing from every idea that I need to seek something else; be something more.
It has been me all along.
I feel, in this very moment, more grounded into my truest Self than I have ever been.
Telling your True Story is liberating. I am not sharing all of this to rid myself of any guilt or shame; I have none. I am being honest and in that honesty, my intention is to illuminate the thread that connects each and every one of us in our unique but widely-shared struggles through Life In Human Body On Planet Earth.
(not for the faint of heart) (you’re all doing fucking amazing just for being, just for breathing).
I am sinking deeply into all that is challenging me at this time, trying not to resist any of it. Bathing myself in the rich, dark waters of it.
Admitting that I don’t know much feels so freeing and also like maybe I know more than I think. Maybe we all do. And we simply need to remind each other; hold up mirrors for each other. Even if the reflection is painful.
We are not alone. We are more connected than any one of us could ever imagine. The birds around me are in agreement with this.
My ear is still ringing and painful
I’m still so so so grateful.
